Today was another good day on the OCD front. Today was another good day where once again I stuck two fingers up at this enslaving, bullying and debilitating illness. I am continuing to fightback and it feels amazing!
Today, the challenge was to meet up with my new Occupational Therapist at the cafe bit of my local Tesco’s. I’ll be honest and say how I was slightly taken aback when she suggested to me last week that we met up there. You see, I have had contamination OCD since I was about fifteen years old(I’m now forty-one), with my vomit phobia getting particularly bad about ten years ago. I have had this long held irrational fear about sitting in sick anywhere that I go, so sitting down in a strange cafe was definitely going to be a big challenge for me.
It was a challenge that was definitely possible though. I knew I needed to do this achievement today so I could carry on saying to people and believing, that I was continuing to take baby steps forwards in terms of my recovery journey. I woke up nervous at the day ahead. I gave myself a good talking too and listened to music to distract myself. Today was going to be tough but I kept thinking how proud of myself I would be once I’d done it and it was over.
‘You’re looking well’, these were the words that my Occupational Therapist greeted me with as I joined her at a cafe table. I only mention these words because they are the exact same ones that my Godfather said me only a few days ago. It felt nice hearing these words because you know what, I’m feeling well these days too. These are feelings that are so new to me that they even feel slightly surreal at present. It so nice having a positive frame of mind nowadays because the very dark days are still so vivid in my mind.
The appointment went very well and as I walked down the stairs and out of the cafe, a surge of delight went throughout my entire body. That had been the FIRST TIME EVER that I had sat down in the cafe of a supermarket. This is quite staggering when you think I hardly went anywhere as little as twenty-four months ago.
Now I’m going to the gym, going shopping regularly and meeting up with friends in restaurants. Today’s achievement was another thing to tick off the list and it feels really good I’m not going to lie. I have bigger things coming up on my exposure hit list but today I’m happy with how it went. Slowly I’m getting there with my recovery and nothing I swear is going to stop me moving forwards!