HE’S A MAN, WITH A PLAN…. HE’S(me) MISSTRA SCARFMAN!!
This is how my life feels right now my friends. Last Monday afternoon, I went for a careers counselling appointment for the first time in over nine years and overall it went pretty well. Did she say that I could soon be the best arts critic to have ever lived?? No, she did not say this, but I came away with a plan and for now that will do. I have an exuberance and zest for life once again, which I thought I would never rediscover!
I was incredibly nervous about this appointment for a whole number of reasons. The main one was due to me having OCD, the reason why my whole life has sadly been on hold for the last eight years or more. Would I even make it to the appointment due to standing in dog dirt on my way there, this was one big worry going around and around in my head before setting off? What if the library(where the appointment was) wasn’t clean? What if I sat in sick or smelt it in the building? What if the whole day was a complete disaster and a step too far for me at this stage in my recovery?
The end of the last paragraph was my ‘MR IRRATIONAL’ side of me talking to me. My ‘MR RATIONAL’ side though, was standing up to this bully. I know I have to keep pushing myself and challenging my OCD if I want my life to go keep going forwards. I do not want to look back in ten years time and regret the life that I have. I am determined and super-motivated to try and start living once again.
I was also nervous about the appointment because I was worried about my dreams being dashed so suddenly. I was worried that I’d say that ‘I want to do something in writing’ and be laughed out of the building. A bit like when I was a young boy and always dreamed about scoring the winning goal in the FA Cup Final for my beloved Man United, i.e pie in the sky sort of stuff. In the careers adviser, I wanted somebody to fuel and not dampen down my ambitions.
Finally, I had made it all the way to outside the building where my careers interview was going to take place. I was excited but scared, determined but apprehensive, optimistic but also dreading the worst. Just be yourself I kept telling myself, just be yourself Andy. Oh and I had another issue at this time pressing me greatly, pressing on my bladder to be more exact. I was going to have to confront my OCD contamination fears straight away then by having to use an unfamiliar public toilet, even before saying hello to the careers adviser. A saw a dodgy looking stain on a door leading to the toilets, ”FIGHT IT” I shouted at myself. A few steps nearer the toilets and this time I saw a dodgy looking stain on the blue corridor carpet, ”FIGHT IT” again I screamed at myself, and fight my OCD demons is just what I did!
The careers counsellor who I saw was lovely. She was friendly, informative and really helpful. In fact, I felt that at ease with her that even cracked a few jokes and made her laugh, such is my way. We had a great discussion where she told me I would need to see another careers adviser soon for a more in-depth chat. First, I needed to go away and complete a ‘skills health check’ on the internet, where afterwards a list of suitable job titles will come up. She also recommend that I do future courses in MATHS(please noooooooooo) and computers(I don’t mind doing that). Even though I want to do something in writing I ended up thinking that maybe I should give these two courses a go.
I guess the main thing I took away from this appointment was hope. Believing that my dreams about maybe doing something in the media or in writing is still a possible reality. She mentioned to me how adults can do apprenticeships in the media these days for six months. She didn’t laugh at me either when I said how I’d love to be a TV critic. I went in all nervous and came out with the start of a career plan being put together.
I was also really proud at myself for how well I coped with regards to my OCD. I sat down on a strange unfamiliar seat without inspecting it first. I put my rucksack on the floor which was a massive thing for me. Furthermore, I also went to the public toilet there once again on my way out………AND COPED.
Ultimately, I came away thinking perhaps I can have a future after all. You know why I think that now??? It’s quite simple really, but you see right now I’m a man, with a plan……he’s Misstra SCARFMAN!